Tuesday, December 23, 2008


I woke up this morning to no running water in my sink, toilet, or shower. This is thanks to a huge water main break which occurred a couple miles away in Bethesda. A flood of Biblical proportions resulted, meaning the entire NIH campus is without water pressure. Quite annoying, but at least I didn't have anything to do today. No point in confronting the world unshowered and disheveled.

I'm still not up to snuff yet, friends. Yesterday was draining. My antidepressant medication is being swiftly tapered down to nothing, lest it interfere with the results of the forthcoming protocol. Yet again, I recognize that without an adequate dose of meds I am much more vulnerable to events in the outside world that ordinarily would not phase me. When I first got ill, I wished to see if there was any way possible I could live without medication, and found out that it simply wasn't possible. In my teens, the smallest critical word would be agonizing to endure, sending me to my bed to agonize over it for days at a time. I've improved since then quite considerably, but even with therapy, self-reflection, and a good quality medication cocktail, my illness persists.

Part of it is that we're at t-minus two days until Christmas and I haven't even remotely been "in the spirit." Much of this is due to the fact that I'm staying in unfamiliar surroundings in an unfamiliar city, but the older I get the harder I find it possible to sell into a romantic ideal of peace on earth and unconditional love to everyone when the reality is buy as much as one possibly can for as many people as one can for no good reason except for the fact that everyone else is doing it too and one wouldn't want to seem out of place, now, would one? Another big part of it is that the whole country is in a recession and the emotional toll it's taking on people is not particularly pleasant to observe casually on my travels out into the city.

I'm not going home for Christmas this year since I'm not particularly feeling up to traveling. I must admit the thought doesn't upset me, though when the day arrives and I'm here and not among my family I'll probably cry a few tears. My mother cried up a storm when I called her last, but she seems to have calmed down.

I believe the water is back on, so I'm going to go take a shower.


Mauigirl said...

I heard about that water main break today on my way to work! It sounded terrible for the people involved directly. Sorry it means no water for you - that is so frustrating. You don't realize how much you need running water until there isn't any!

I hear you on the medication thing. My dad was on antidepressants for the last 20 years or so of his life - and whenever they worked and he actually felt better, he always decided to go off of them since he thought he didn't need them anymore. Finally he had to admit he would always need them.

Me, I started on Prozac 3 years ago after becoming more depressed than usual (I've always been melancholy, probably inherited from my dad). I will never go off it. I have no wish to. It is the best thing I ever did. I never realized how down I used to get until I stopped getting that way. I think I thought everyone felt like that.

I look at it as if I'm a diabetic and need insulin.

I hope the treatments you start soon will work really well for you and that you're able to get through this interim period OK.

Thinking of you!

Utah Savage said...

First thing I do when I wake up is turn on the TV and MSNBC and there it was. It was like a flash flood, people getting rescued by air out of freezing water rushing down a main road in Baltimore. It was Baltimore wasn't it?

Hope you had a nice shower.

I'm terrible. I was bad in group today. I write about it and my shrink reads my blog. I don't use names or say where I'm going, but still... I'm bad in a group of old Mormon folks whose only reaction to the catastrophes that have befallen them is to say, they pray and Jesus will make it all better. Oh my. I roll my eyes in involuntary incredulity. My bad, can't help it.

Comrade Kevin said...

Different B city word. Bethesda.