Dear Kevin Camp,
First, thanks for submitting and for entrusting me to add my personal comments.
Your writing is good, but I'm having some trouble getting hooked into this story. It seems a bit detached and explanatory—the narrator almost seems to be describing someone else. He's so distant from his story that it doesn't allow for any tension, which means it's difficult for this reader to want to know what happened next. And so far (5 pages) I don't see anything really new or different about the topic that would make me stay with it.
Tahoma Literary Review
Please remember that these comments are the editorial opinion of one person, and nothing more. Joe's comments may or may not agree with feedback you have received from other editors, writers, or family members.
You can go here to view the submission:http://tahomaliteraryreview.