Friday, November 14, 2008

Coming Up for Air

Last night began a slow tapering off of most of my medication. For the next month and a half I will be removed from almost all of them, with the notable exception of lithium. To participate in the study, one must stay on a mood stabilizer, either Lithium or Depakote. The first infusion of ketamine will take place around the first of next year. This means, of course, that I have a lengthy wait ahead of me before the trial begins. When it does, I'll receive an infusion a day for two weeks, then two weeks of nothing. Two weeks on, two weeks off, two weeks on, two weeks off---for roughly two months. As part of the study, at least some of the time I'll receive a placebo. It will be double-blind: neither I, nor the nurse administering the IV infusion, will know whether I'm receiving ketamine or placebo. I'll blog about the results, provided I am feeling stable and responsive enough to type.

Meanwhile, as I mentioned before, I am on the waiting list with one of my Senators and my local Representative to Congress regarding Inauguration tickets. As was reported in the local media, yesterday every Senator and Representative simply stopped taking requests for the ceremony altogether. Only 240,000 tickets will be granted to lucky constituents, and most congresspeople will get no more than 500 tickets to disperse. With demand at an all-time high, getting into the proceedings is by no means a slam dunk. Demand exceeds supply around 5 to 1. If I do get a ticket, I'll consider myself very fortunate indeed. The price of tickets have been bid up to ridiculously high levels---although technically free, on an online site I found, people have put in bids for any available passes to the event---and as such one ticket has been priced as much as $500 to $40,000 a piece.

They're expecting over a million people to be here for Obama's formal swearing in and Inaugural address, which is much more than the crowds that annually throng this area for the Fourth of July proceedings and fireworks on the mall. Hotel and motels in the area have just about been booked solid, too. It almost goes with saying that this is a historic event and everyone wants to say that they were there in person to see it. I do, too, but if I get tickets then I'll be tempted to make several hundred dollars profit by selling them to someone else. Still, being there would be the culmination of a dream I had beginning nearly two years ago and one that I honestly never thought I'd ever see in reality. I had this pleasant reverie wherein I saw Obama dressed warmly in a long black coat, reverently proclaiming, in his familiar baritone---I, Barack Hussein Obama, do solemnly swear...


Anonymous said...

As one of Barack's earliest supporters in this corner of the blogosphere, I think it would be especially fitting for you to get to go to the Inauguration.

Anonymous said...

Good luck with the ticket. I agree with DCup--you deserve it.

Gail said...

Hey Kevin - Me too, I vote for YOU to get a ticket. Yes!

And Kevin? I was sorry to read of your childhood sexual abuse. I know your trauma well as it is mine too. And you are right in thinking there is a connection between your mental health issues and that abuse.. It is way too much to explore in this forum, but Kevin, I swear to you, "it" is at the root. And dare I say, knowing that is a source of empowerment not disempowerment.
I think of you every day, many times. Somehow, I know you.


Utah Savage said...

Don't sell that ticket if you get it. If you are able to go, go. For god's sake go. It will be the most important inauguration of your lifetime. The best piece of our nation's history.

Comrade Kevin said...

Hello Gail,

I have brought the abuse up in therapy but have never specifically been to trauma therapy, which focuses on it at the expense of anything else. The reason why is that I simply cannot afford it right now, though I'm told that one of the provisions of the bailout bill is that Medicaid would be changed to cover psychology as well as psychiatry.

The very vulnerability, fear, and anxiety that I've had since birth---all parts of my illness---were ironically made me culpable to the abuse when I was a child. What happened is extensive and at times graphic, so I'd rather not explore it right now, but I figure you understand.

Gail said...

I do understand, I do. And again, I am SO sorry your were hurt.
I know you have a lot on your plate right now and that it is SO important that you get on the right medications. The brave journey you are on to do just that is courageous.
Once this part of your well-being has a foundation of the right balance of meds you will be in a better position to do "inner-child healing" work, when YOU are ready,
I understand just how difficult such work is, I will tell you this - when it is your time to do it, you only need to do it once. And may I suggest, when you decide it is time, there are 'free' services for survivors of abuse, regardless of when it happened. Here it is called, 'Sexual Assault Crisis Services". They do one on one and have groups when people are ready for that forum. They have similar agencies across America. If you want to talk more about this after your time away I would be very happy to do so with you. I offer this quietly and humbly Kevin - and only because I have gone on this journey myself.
Keep gettin well, okay?

Mauigirl said...

Best wishes on your treatment protocol and the tapering off of the medications. Hope you are able to keep us posted on how you're doing.

I hope you get a ticket too! I e-mailed my congressman and senator about them, haven't heard back yet so doubt we'll get to go. This is the first time it ever occurred to me that I'd want to be there in person to see it happen when a new president was sworn in. It's a truly historic occasion.

Dr. Zaius said...

I hope that you get a ticket!