Tuesday, October 28, 2008

The Pause That Refreshes

I had every intention of visiting the National Gallery of Art today, but I'll have to cut my trip back by a couple hours. They're conducting an extensive psychiatric history called the SKID, in order to determine what medication study I will be best suited. The woman who will give the test is on her way and I'm preparing myself to rehash all the gruesome details of my illness one more time. I must have explained the nature of my affliction three times already, but no matter.

I spoke with a doctor today who had a few reservations about my participation in the study. Most of the concerns focused on the fact that many of the studies would require me to come off medication altogether. I have developed insomnia over the past three years and as such I take meds that allow me the ability to get a good night's sleep. Taken completely off of them, sleep would be difficult. I'm willing to run the risk though, even if I don't sleep much for several days in a row. Eventually my body will train itself to sleep naturally, though I must admit that it will be rather painful to adjust at first.

My blogging time is short today, so please pardon. For right now, visiting other sites is going to be a two to three times a week only thing.


Utah Savage said...

I to have had problems with sleep when I manic, but never when depressed. When I'm depressed it's all I can do to stay awake long enough to take care of my animals.

I'm hoping you share with us the diagnosis and what brought your disorder on. Emotional rauma, or organic? I know it's none of our business, but so many of us suffer some of your problems and have no idea why. Could be helpful to see if we fit that diagnosis.

Comrade Kevin said...

I will continue to keep people informed of my diagnosis and the treatment.

Most of what I deal with is organic. I was a very anxious, scared, frightened child. I have the family history and the genes, for one. That's partially why I'm unwilling to have kids---I don't want to pass my disorder along to a new generation.

I've had to tell my symptoms and psychiatrist history to so many people that I'm reluctant to bring it up again but I'll share more of my symptoms and diagnosis on this blog.

Liberality said...

good luck Kevin. We are rooting for ya!

Gail said...

Hi Kevin-

The diagnostic, fact finding process is exhausting. I am praying for the time when that is all behind you and you can have balance again.

I felt sad when you wrote you have decided to not have children so you don't pass along your condition. I understand and yet, from my limited and distant position I have experienced you as so gentle, intelligent, soulful, spirited, and with gifts and talents. These beautiful qualities are you, as well. I wont say anymore. I have no right.

Instead I will open "I'll Be Your Mirror" and enjoy your singing.



Comrade Kevin said...

Hi Gail,

Balance has always been difficult for me, as it is for every bipolar person.

You certainly have a right to say what you think on my blog. The only people who don't are the occasional trolls I run across every now and then.

About children---I really do not wish to bring any child into the world with the odds the way they are right now. The odds of my child being born with bipolar are 50%. That's not a risk I want to take. It would absolutely destroy me to see my child struggling with the very same things I dealt with, that's all.

Maybe someday, but not until they have much more effective treatment for it and, dare I hope it, a cure someday.