Saturday Video

8:05

WORST THUMBNAIL SHOT EVER!



8:05
I guess you're leaving soon
I can't go on without you
It's useless to try

To love you is so good
To keep you would be so wonderful
Here is my heart that I give
It's all that I have

Please change your mind
Before my sunshine is gone
Do you think you could try?
Do you think you could try?
Do you think you could try?

Do you understand how I feel?
(See it through)
And I will prove it is real
(Until I can prove it to you)
Don't fill my world with rain
You know your tears would only bring pain in my heart

8:05
I guess you're leaving
Goodbye

One More For Good Measure

Each of the characters in this song are real people I encounter, or have encountered before in my life. You may know them, but you probably don't. :-)

Depression Update

A few weeks back I mentioned that I had entered a period of depression. With an increased dosage of Lithium, it subsided temporarily. Unfortunately, it has now returned again. Sometimes depressed episodes come in waves. As I think I said before, it would be wonderful if I or any psychiatrist knew precisely what causes an episode to begin or conclude. My consternation is extreme, increased exponentially by just how impotent I am to heal myself.

What I've been recently is thoroughly irritated. My patience is worn threadbare and I find myself growing easily irritated at little things. Screaming profanity at my computer when I have problems with writing something is usually the first sign I have arrived at this stage. It tends to severely frighten those around me a little, since my personality is usually nothing like this. I never wish to upset anyone, but that discomfort's got to go somewhere, I suppose.

I'll keep everyone updated, should things worsen or improve, but right now I'm tremendously discouraged.

Another New Song

Enabling Believers or Respecting Freedom of Choice?

While a member of another faith group, an old joke was invoked every time turnout on any given Sunday was less than expected:

Q: Why don't ______________ go to church during the summertime?
A: They don't have to.

This same conundrum, modified slightly, could easily apply to many liberal Unprogrammed Friends, regardless of the season or the time of year. I make light of this not to raise the specter of collective guilt, but rather to highlight one of the many challenges currently facing me. At my monthly meeting, I am the unofficial official co-clerk in charge of Young Adult ministries. The Clerk and I have tried a variety of very novel, very different approaches to keep Young Adult Friends motivated to participate and to, above all, turn out consistently. Regardless of what is attempted, attendance is almost always sporadic at best. No matter how interested someone appears at first, it is statistically very likely he or she will rarely stick around.

If I had to provide a rough estimate, I'd say out of ten people whose hand I shake at the rise of meeting or during coffee afterward, eight are likely to attend only one function and never return. Of that same group, many will wish to be placed on the group listserve and never attend a single Young Adult gathering, nor attend another worship service. An additional challenge that presents me is how many Young Adult Friends perceive of the group as a bit of a dating service. This is hardly unusual to any religious/spiritual gathering, but when that becomes the sole motivation for anyone to show up with any consistency, then it can be safely labeled a problem. I have torn my hair out struggling with this situation and have recently conceded that all I can do is all I can do.

A friend of a Friend, in great contrast, has not had any of these same problems with her Young Adult group. A critical mass sprung up quickly, almost of its own accord, though the organizers certainly put (and still devote) a lot of hard work into keeping it going. Astonishingly, in the church itself, Young Adults make up fully a third of those in attendance. They have even eagerly taken many leadership positions within it. Granted, she is not a Quaker.

Instead, she is a United Methodist. I find this particularly interesting because I myself was raised United Methodist. Although I would have considered the ideology of the two Methodist churches I attended to be somewhere between centrist and liberal, there was, political allegiance aside, nonetheless an expectation that going to church every Sunday was expected. Perhaps this explains the consternation with my current situation. Plainly put, if I don't go to meeting on Sunday, I feel as though I've really missed out on something I've really needed and could not obtain through any other avenue. Would I call that guilt? Partially, but pure guilt alone has, to me, always connoted something I feel I need to do that I will severely dislike when I do it.

Friends may relate highly to Wallace Stevens in "A High-Toned Old Christian Woman".

A High-Toned Old Christian Woman

Poetry is the supreme fiction, madame.
Take the moral law and make a nave of it
And from the nave build haunted heaven. Thus,
The conscience is converted into palms,
Like windy citherns hankering for hymns.
We agree in principle. That's clear. But take
The opposing law and make a peristyle,
And from the peristyle project a masque
Beyond the planets. Thus, our bawdiness,
Unpurged by epitaph, indulged at last,
Is equally converted into palms,
Squiggling like saxophones. And palm for palm,
Madame, we are where we began. Allow,
Therefore, that in the planetary scene
Your disaffected flagellants, well-stuffed,
Smacking their muzzy bellies in parade,
Proud of such novelties of the sublime,
Such tink and tank and tunk-a-tunk-tunk,
May, merely may, madame, whip from themselves
A jovial hullabaloo among the spheres.
This will make widows wince. But fictive things
Wink as they will. Wink most when widows wince.

I certainly know what not to do. Some months back, I gave a very poorly received message on this topic during Meeting for Worship. Despite my desire to light a fire underneath what I considered to be recalcitrant Friends, I was thought to be heartlessly hectoring those gathered while waggling my finger. I will never forget how a woman stood up after I had finished talking, plainly furious at me, implying that while she was deeply insulted, she at least admired my courage to be this offensive. She has never returned. It does not give me any pleasure to have made such a negative impression on anyone that they no longer wish to attend meeting. I felt more frustrated than before I rose to speak, observing that the end result backfired so impressively. All I had sought to do was open a dialogue. Apparently, the dialogue cannot be opened in this fashion.

Yet, most discouraging of all is the overall assumption of so many. I think sometimes that liberal Unprogrammed Friends may have been raised to believe that worship was not an obligation, but rather an occasional event that could easily be superseded if something more interesting or pressing came up instead. How does one even begin to reverse that attitude? As it stands, that belief fosters an attitude that worship is there only when I need it, or even, I only reach out to God when I really need him. If we were speaking about a sports team, one would be called a fairweather fan. In bad times, all religious gatherings are filled to capacity, only to dissipate when good times returns. However, when this attitudes borders on epidemic and is always present regardless of the state of the times, it needs to be addressed.

And here I am, left with that eternal quandary once again. How much of a personal decision to be a sporadic attender can be safely chalked up to free will and with it that oft-cited assumption that we're all, each of us, on a highly individual spiritual path? If I believed people didn't need an intense connection with a higher power and with that a way to have community with others similarly inclined, I would feel less troubled. As it stands, I'm not terribly upset these days when an event planned months in advance is sparsely attended. What does upset me is when I contemplate the attitude that makes my job a challenge, regardless of what I do. I have no answers and no pronouncements, only the realization that I seem to be swimming upstream. I am not discouraged and I enjoy what I do, but I don't know how to begin to take on the systemic issues that demand a solution.

Something New

This is an original song of mine, which I am going to try to successfully embed here. It was recorded entirely on a computer.

Busy Day Video

Jackie wants a black eye
Some proof that she's been hit
And John wants the answers
But the questions just don't quit

And we're sitting in the rain
And we're feeling like the weather.
You could say that we're alone
But we're lonely together

We're all in it together now
As we all fall apart
And we're swapping little pieces
Of our broken little hearts.

Jackie is jumping in the quicksand
But it isn't what you think.
She's safe because she knows
The more you fight, the more you sink

And John is following the black cloud
To keep him from the sun.
So he bends over now
Something has finally begun.

And we're all in it together now
As we all fall apart
And we're swapping little pieces
Of our broken little hearts.

And we've been hurting so long
That our pleasure is our pain.
Are we madly in love
Or are we madly insane?

When yesterday's love defines you
And today that love is gone
Tomorrow keeps you guessing
The roller coaster is rolling on.

And we're all in it together now
As we all fall apart
And we're swapping little pieces
Of our broken little hearts.

And we're all in it together now
As we all fall apart
And we're swapping little pieces
Of our broken little hearts.

Some May Leave and Some Aren't Going Anywhere

Translated from the Dr. Dog, with lyrical digressions and revisions by the author.



Well, it's hard enough to get fed
When you're on

And it's always time to pay rent
When you're home

Is this the worst trip
You have ever been on?

Well, you're looking for the light switch
Click, it's on

Now you're staring at the T.V.
And telephone

Is this the worst trip
You have ever been on?

Well, I thought you'd kind of like it
It's awfully dark and quiet here

Some may leave
and some aren't going, anyway

Well, you're driving to the workplace
hung over and stoned

You know the radio's the worst thing
Early in the morning

Is this the worst trip
You have ever been on?

Well, I thought you'd kind of like it
It's awfully dark and quiet here

Some may leave and
some aren't going anywhere

Conscience Clauses, Civil Disobedience, and Uncivil Discourse

In this country, a long tradition exists of individuals who have refused to perform a particular duty or task, citing their religious beliefs as justification. The very definition of Civil Disobedience, of course, depends on the person, the situation, and how it is applied. The latest incident has opened up a discussion which has never really subsided, only dipped underneath the radar from time to time. In this circumstance, a Texas bus driver, who is also an ordained conservative Christian minister, claims that he was fired for not taking a women to Planned Parenthood. His decision is in the same vein as those of pharmacists who, stating moral reasons, will not dispense the morning-after pill to women who request it.

Though I myself am staunchly pro-choice, I've felt a need to examine the particulars of this case. As reprehensible as I find many of the tactics utilized by those on the other side of the divide, I've decided to analyze events and notable people of a different age to determine if some middle ground can be reached.

In the Eighteenth Century, The Quaker John Woolman spoke out against the degrading evil of slavery. Before he began his work, there was no uniform opposition to the peculiar institution among Friends. However, Woolman's ministry, writing, and ethical conduct changed the minds of many. His hard work has not gone unnoticed, nor has his philosophy of life.

In 1754 Woolman wrote Some Considerations on the Keeping of Negroes. He subsequently refused to draw up wills transferring slaves. Working on a non-confrontational, personal level, he individually convinced many Quaker slaveholders to free their slaves. He attempted personally to avoid using the products of slavery; for example, he wore undyed clothing because slaves were used in the making of dyes.

In Woolman's travels, whenever he received hospitality from a slaveholder, he insisted on paying the slaves for their work in attending him. He would also refuse to be served with silver cups, plates, and utensils, on grounds that slaves were forced to dig such precious minerals and gems for the rich. On one occasion in his early adulthood, he did convey the ownership of a slave in someone's will, but was later so filled with remorse over the act that he went back, found the individual so injured, and made monetary reparations sufficient to sustain that person in freedom for some years. He observed that some owners used the labor of their slaves to enjoy lives of ease, and found much more fault with this practice than with those owners who treated their slaves gently, or even worked alongside them.

Woolman was able to see nuances within the practice itself, while still viewing it as savage, cruel, and in dire need of being abolished altogether. It would appear that he placed more emphasis on social justice than in harsh condemnation. This is in great contrast to today's culture war, the abortion debate being only one theater; any who stand in opposition to how "we" believe are often reviled in language that could only be described as demonic. Returning to the past once more, some historians have argued that, shortly after Woolman's death in 1772, slavery was assumed by many to be a dying practice on its way out. Indeed, many slaveholders of the time stated that they would have manumitted those who they held in bondage simply as a matter of course.

Arguably, what changed their way of thinking were two key events. One was the establishment of the abolitionist press, of which later Quakers had a notable hand, and the bombastic rhetoric of William Lloyd Garrison. In the first issue of his anti-slavery newspaper The Liberator, published in 1831, Garrison famously wrote,

I am aware that many object to the severity of my language; but is there not cause for severity? I will be as harsh as truth, and as uncompromising as justice. On this subject, I do not wish to think, or to speak, or write, with moderation. No! No! Tell a man whose house is on fire to give a moderate alarm; tell him to moderately rescue his wife from the hands of the ravisher; tell the mother to gradually extricate her babe from the fire into which it has fallen; – but urge me not to use moderation in a cause like the present. I am in earnest – I will not equivocate – I will not excuse – I will not retreat a single inch – AND I WILL BE HEARD. The apathy of the people is enough to make every statue leap from its pedestal, and to hasten the resurrection of the dead.

The second event to turn the tide was the threat of slave insurrection, a kind of massive paranoia that sprang up following Nat Turner's revolt that same year. By the time the butchery concluded, 55 white men, women, and children lay dead. Yet, something not often mentioned in discussions of the uprising was Turner's strong religious convictions.

Turner had "natural intelligence and quickness of apprehension, surpassed by few." He learned to read and write at a young age. He grew up deeply religious and was often seen fasting, praying, or immersed in reading the stories of the Bible. He frequently experienced visions which he interpreted as messages from God. These visions greatly influenced his life; for instance, when Turner was 23 years old, he ran away from his owner, but returned a month later after having such a vision. Turner often conducted Baptist services, preaching the Bible to his fellow slaves, who dubbed him "The Prophet". Turner also had influence over white people, and in the case of Ethelred T. Brantley, Turner said that he was able to convince Brantley to "cease from his wickedness".

By early 1828, Turner was convinced that he "was ordained for some great purpose in the hands of the Almighty. "While working in his owner's fields on May 12, Turner "heard a loud noise in the heavens, and the Spirit instantly appeared to me and said the Serpent was loosened, and Christ had laid down the yoke he had borne for the sins of men, and that I should take it on and fight against the Serpent, for the time was fast approaching when the first should be last and the last should be first." Turner was convinced that God had given him the task of "slay[ing] my enemies with their own weapons." Turner "communicated the great work laid out for me to do, to four in whom I had the greatest confidence" – his fellow slaves Henry, Hark, Nelson, and Sam.

Beginning in February 1831, Turner came to believe that certain atmospheric conditions were to be interpreted as a sign that he should begin preparing for a rebellion against the slave owners.

Nat Turner's reputation has evolved considerably since then. Many scholars view him in a favorable light, but regardless of one's opinion of the man, he was a homegrown terrorist using religion to justify violent acts. I can think of more than a few abortion clinic bombers who fit the same profile. As a pacifist, I do not approve of violence for any reason and for any cause, regardless of whether it suits my ideological beliefs or not. It bothers me when anyone who kills someone else for a moral cause, regardless of the context, becomes transformed into a hero. This is as true for Nat Turner as it is for John Brown. Our silent complicity condones indefensible cruelty. Whether we be anti-slavery or pro-life, we all too often let the fringes speak for us, if not in our own time, certainly with the passage of time. It upsets me how easy it is for us to rehabilitate the reputations of people who caused so much harm and pain, transforming them into noble figures who were misunderstood in their day.

The Texas bus driver may have cited conscience in refusing to drive a woman to Planned Parenthood, but I look beyond it. The crux of the matter, to me, is not what he did, but how it has been perceived and reported. This event is already being used as the latest salvo in a war with no endpoint in sight. I don't believe that the crimes of this guilty land will never be purged away; but with Blood, but I am profoundly troubled by what I see for the future. The fastest, easiest way to encourage a dialogue filled with crude, destructive hatred is to state an opinion either for or against legalized abortion.

Some months ago, I recorded an iReport for CNN shortly after Ted Kennedy's death, and several people who left comments used my video remarks in support of the late Senator as an opportunity to introduce their virulent opposition to abortion rights. We've become so polarized that people will interject their own passionate beliefs on this matter regardless of they are pertinent to the topic or not. I hate to think about where we're headed next.

Quote of the Week

“Many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.”- William James