I had to discontinue participation in the ketamine protocol. After laying awake for most of the night yet again, I was on the verge of a panic attack. I requested medication for sleep, which allowed me to get five almost rested hours instead of the almost nothing I was certain to get without having taken anything. In short, I can't stand a sustained period of absolutely no sleep. I'm not sure anyone could. This makes me sad because I wanted to see what information could be gleamed from the trial, but there's no point torturing myself.
At rounds this morning the treatment team and I will discuss future options. The conclusions drawn from the meeting will be posted here shortly. There may be another protocol to shift to that is available in pill form and has a sedative effect. Otherwise, I feel disappointed that the first protocol didn't work out, but there's no point in beating myself up about it. Fifty percent of all research subjects simply can't tolerate the reduction in medication and the side effects that come from it. I am hardly alone in this.