Monday, March 31, 2008

An Update

All Quiet on the Western Front, so far.

I wanted to check in with all of you. I would have checked in sooner, but my primary computer was hacked into and the hard drive was effectively ruined, forcing me to take it to a store to get it restored.

Since I have come down from my manic state, I understand again how many of my comments made in times past on this blog and IRL could seem irrational, pandering for attention, suspect in veracity, proclaiming a less-than-secret ulterior motive, or merely a distraction from more important matter.

But the truth of the matter is this.

I am a sick person. I have bipolar and I have been in a manic state now for about a month. Those who have already admitted to having such things who dwell on this site know full well the powerful highs and the crashing lows. My bipolar is in a mixed state at the moment. Sometimes I feel powerful and in control, and sometimes, the course of the same day, I am thrown into crying fits so profound that all I can do is sob and weep.

I will not know until Wednesday my condition. I pray it is not HIV or Cancer, although of those two, colon/rectal cancer seems the most likely candidate. This may merely be an outbreak of HPV, which is, as many know, exaserbated by stress. Outbreaks flare up for a month, then subside. Medications can be taken to control it, but in a stressful time, a person is more contagious and thus outbreaks occur.

My life, as I'm sure you understand, has been rather stressful recently.

So I admit to being still very much on pins and needles.

It is possible I have none of the three illnesses mentioned, but I will continue to hope and pray for the best.

I thank you all for your concern and do know you are loved.

2 comments:

Mauigirl said...

Kevin, I am just catching up with your blog and just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and sending positive thoughts your way. My father suffered from depression off and on throughout his life and when he was elderly he also started having manic episodes. I know how difficult this must be for you.

I also wish you good health and I hope none of the results for the conditions you've been tested for turn out to be positive. Best wishes.

Fran / Blue Gal said...

Hope you're feeling better.