All The Cool Kids are Doing It

I'm going to take a break from serious stuff for today and instead do something fun. Boxer Rebellion tagged me with this meme several days back and I have been so busy with other things that I have just now gotten around to completing it. That being said, here I go.

1. In college, I wrote a short story about a demented young adult novelist and his obsessively devoted fan base of dysfunctional teenagers. After being rejected by almost every well-known publication, it was finally published by a small online internet magazine, achieving minimal attention and scant critical notice in the process. However, two years after being written, and in true irony, thanks to the overwhelming power of a potent combination of urban legend and pure chance, a columnist for The New York Times Magazine referenced it in detail during an interview, mistakenly attributing its authorship to Kurt Vonnegut.

2. Upon a visit to Poland, I contracted a severe case of diptheria, forcing me to be hospitalized for almost a week. A kindly nurse assigned to monitor my condition was so taken by my rugged good looks that by the end of my stay she proposed marriage. Graciously, I declined her offer due in no small part to fact she had more bodily hair than I did.

3. I accidently destroyed a work of art when I had a major seizure during a private showing and fell headfirst into the canvass. Fortunately, the painting was heavily insured and I was not held at fault by either the artist or the gallery.

4. I once had a job as the personal assistant of a elderly woman with severe physical disabilities, but I was unceremonious fired when she was discovered I was openly having an affair with her daughter.

5. When I was in fifth grade, my classroom teacher clandestinely dated a female bodybuilder. I attended their committment ceremony while dressed in blue jeans and a grey t-shirt.

6. I once danced, very awkwardly I might add, with a Spice Girl. Neither of us were particularly skilled at the endeavor.

7. Not so very long ago, I discovered that a girl I sat next to in my high school math class apparently makes additional income by posing nude on a website. Her porn star name is Rexy Rage.

*If you hadn't guessed by now, all of these statements are lies.