Wednesday, October 30, 2013

If Life Were a Rejection Letter

I'm a bit pressed for time today, but I did want to share something with you. The brilliant premise of this article is to imagine if rejection letters were received for all of life's missteps, beginning at childhood and ending in old age. The entire piece can be found in the October 2013 issue of The Sun Magazine. The author is Brenda Miller.


Dear Ninth-Grade Girl:

We regret to inform you that no suitable match has been found to accompany you to the school dance. The volume of requests we receive makes individual feedback impossible, but please know that you were given careful consideration. Do feel free to attend on your own, perhaps with another rejectee, and stand awkwardly in a corner with a glass of warm punch in your sweaty hand. Watching others have a good time is excellent preparation for the roles you will play in the future.


The Boys' Council of Patrick Henry Junior High

Dear Potential Mom:

Thank you for providing a host home for each of us during the few weeks we stayed in residence. It was lovely but, in the end, didn't quite work out. Though we tried to be unobtrusive in our exit, the narrowness of your Fallopian tubes made some damage unavoidable. Sorry about that. You know you were too young to have children anyway, right? And you know it wasn't your fault, not really. (Though you could have been a tad more careful in your carnal acts. But no matter. Water under the bridge.)

We enjoyed our brief stay in your body and wish you the best of luck in conceiving children in the future.

With gratitude,

Ira and Isabelle

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