Tomorrow, I head to a very tragic event. The double funeral of two distant relatives. I couldn't help but think that this is the sort of tragedy which most of us read about without blinking an eye, so long as it happens to someone else we know. When it hits close to home, it's a totally different event altogether.
Nothing makes me more aware of my own hypocrisy as a human being than when I contemplate class differences in this country. For me, I prove myself a hypocrite with that sort of internal cringing I feel when confronted with working-class stock. Do I believe that I'm better than the backbone of this country? Once I did.
I've gotten better at looking down my nose at the less fortunate than I. Now, I just am painfully aware of how little I share in common with my Father's side of the family. I see in them the reasons why there will always be miscommunication between class so long as there are disparities in income, education, and commonality.
The idealistic part of me wonders if there's any way to change it. The pragmatic part of me realizes that, just as Jesus of Nazareth mentioned, "the poor will always be with us."
I also have had a problem feeling close to my father's side of the family. There wasn't really any difference in income or even education, both sides of the family were working class people. The difference was in values. My mom's side of the family valued family above all else. My dad's side of the family valued having material things like new cars and new furniture. Alcohol also played a big part in their lives and that was not true on my mother's side of the family.
ReplyDeleteWhen we visited my mom's side of the family, there was a warmth that said I was loved and cared for. When we visited my dad's family there was tension and little attention to the children because so much friction was taking place between the adults. It was like watching a scaled down version of a soap opera. Someone was always upset with someone else. People were just waiting for someone to knock the chip off their shoulder.
Religion played a big part in the difference. My grandmother was a religious woman who believed in living her faith every day and love and forgiveness was a big part of that. My dad's side of the family gave lip service to Christianity, but it wasn't a part of their daily life.
The interesting thing is that my mother's side of the family prospered financially while my dad's side of the family pretty much stayed in poverty. Many of the children on my mom's side worked their way through college. Others started their own business or worked at skilled trades. We were encouraged by parents, aunts and uncles to give our best. Some of the cousins on my dad's side inherited a lot of money from an aunt on their mother's side but it was gone in a few years, spent on gambling, alcohol, new cars, etc.
In my case it wasn't classism, it was family values that made the difference, and those values came through a difference in religion, not the amount of money they had.